i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
