I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
