I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
