Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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