i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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