Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
