If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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