If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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