You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
