a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i permit you to call me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize