Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
