just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
