I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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