I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
