shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
