Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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