Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
