Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
