Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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