i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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