my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
