I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
