Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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