It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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