i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
