if only i could text you this smell
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize