The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
