my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
