My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
