i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I will be naked everywhere
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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