Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
