fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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