epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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