Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
