My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
