i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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