I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hippo gnu deer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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