I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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