I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
