i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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