i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
