Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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