Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
