Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
