someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
