Those balls look pretty dangerous.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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