I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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