Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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