I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
