I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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