I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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