I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
