I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
