Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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