umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
