I cut my penus on the lid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
