apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
