Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
