So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
