So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
