I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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