At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My bed smells like the plague
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
