pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
