so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
