Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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