New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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