I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
