I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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