Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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