I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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