i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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